When NHL was almost a year old, we went to a local Italian restaurant for my birthday.  NHL was starting to eat solid foods, so we gave him some of our pasta to try.  He, of course, loved it.

All during the dinner, NHL kept sneezing.  At first, we thought that something was bothering him in the restaurant.  B and her mother can be sensitive to perfumes and other fragrances.  Perhaps, we thought, someone at a nearby table has perfume on that is bothering his nose.  The only problem with this theory, though, was that we couldn’t smell anything.

As the dinner, wound to a close, NHL let out a tremendous sneeze and something flew from his nose.  Something that solved the meal-time sneezing mystery.  It was one of my fettuccine noodles.  Apparently, when he was eating them, a piece of one worked its way from his mouth/throat to his nasal passage.  There it lodged.  As with any nasal intruder, his body tried expelling it via sneezes until it successfully launched that noodle clear across the table.

From that day on he has been known as Noodle Nose NHL!

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Disclaimer: This post was written as part of the Outback Steakhouse Dinner With Dad Experience blog tour.  I was compensated by Outback with a $45 gift certificate.

Ok, breaking the “Wordless Wednesday” rules here, but look closely at what that boy is doing.  He’s got a chicken by the neck and is… um… I mean he’s looking at this girl and… um… Maybe we should just move on.  (Ow, B!  Quit jabbing my arm!!)

Later, I decided to see what else was written. Here’s just a small sampling, categorized for your convinience.

In the “Escapee From Sesame Street” category:

This one was written by Count Von Count, I believe. He must have wandered off of Sesame Street while counting the street numbers. “5th Avenue! 6th Avenue! 7th Avenue! HAH! HAH! HAH! HAH!” This also explains the lightning that came out of nowhere during BlogHer.

In the TMI category:

Somewhere, marketing experts are now calling going commando the new “in thing” among Mommy Bloggers.

In the “Suuuure you’re not” category (also the “Why didn’t I think of that excuse” category):

In the “What happens at BlogHer, stays at BlogHer” category:

In the “Wait… What was I talking about?” category:

In the “Guy Amongst Women” category:

In the “Should I feel bad that I wasn’t” category:

In the “Compliments will get you everywhere” and “Does this count as being propositioned?” categories:

In the “Uses both hands sounds slightly dirty” category:

In the “010000010110111001110011011101110110010101110010001000000110100101110011001000000011010000110010″ category:

In the “Suuure, it was!” category:

In the “What’s the male version of ‘hoochie’?” category:

In the “No Sleep At BlogHer” category:

In the “I’m Drama-Challenged” category:

In the “Dirty BlogHer Limerick” category:

… Who went to BlogHer with a bucket. He filled it with swag, tossed it all in a bag, and… shipped it back home to Nantucket! What? Think you can do better? Leave a comment with your BlogHer Limerick!

Of course, then I realized an even more horrible truth.  You might remember my Dear Kid Saturday post a month ago about how NHL declared he was a "Selective Vegetarian."  He was only going to eat animals that he didn’t like and he liked cows.  Is he, by refusing to eat potential cow gang members, supporting farm animal hoodlums?

Please, NHL, won’t you eat this burger so a farmer won’t have to live his life in fear of drive-by milk attacks?

In case you’re wondering, that’s the My Family video by Laurie Berkner in the background playing on Nick Jr.  I tried turning the volume down so JSL’s singing would come through better, but JSL complained that he couldn’t hear.  This was also taken at about 8pm so JSL was fighting off sleep by rocking out with Laurie Berkner music.

Did you notice something wrong with that listing? That’s right, they’re calling the study of the planets, space and stars “Astrology.” I wanted to make sure that they wouldn’t be teaching my son about birth signs and how the alignment of the planets determines our destiny so we called to confirm. Yes, they meant “Astronomy”, not “Astrology.” While I found this mess-up a little funny, it was also a little scary to imagine that someone in the community college didn’t know the difference between the two. I’d recommend whoever messed this up head on over to the Bad Astronomy blog, run by the wonderful Phil Plait, and find out just why Astrology is wrong.

Me: “Spiderman found a black costume that made him stronger, but it also made him mean to people. He didn’t like being mean, so he took off the costume. This episode tells how he took it off.”

NHL: “Who’s Howie?”

As this point, I couldn’t contain myself. I burst out laughing and had to leave the room. I told B who also burst out laughing. As I caught my breath, I told a confused NHL that he just said something very funny even though he didn’t know it. (I didn’t want him thinking I was laughing at him.) It was all-too-much like something from the Naked Gun movies. Yes, I am serious and don’t call my Shirley.

All this is just a roundabout way of saying Happy Birthday to my now-six-year old NHL. Last year, at this point, he couldn’t read at all. Now he’s reading whole books to himself (and us). Last year, he couldn’t ride on a bike two feet without help. This year, he can ride almost all the way around the block without needing help. (Only some uneven sidewalks stand in his way.) Last year, he didn’t know any math at all. Now he’s adding and subtracting like a pro. He keeps learning so much that it is sometimes hard to keep track of it all. He’ll display some piece of knowledge and I’ll have to stop and ask “NHL, when did you learn *THAT*?” This can be good, like with reading various complicated words, or bad, like playing Mario Kart Wii with me and telling me that he’s going to “kick my ass.” (Yes, I told him never to say that again.)

While tucking him into bed last night, NHL told me that he’s going to miss being five. He was afraid that he wouldn’t be able to do things that he liked doing because he’ll be six. I told him that he’s had a lot of fun being five, but that every year he’ll be able to do more, not less. He’ll still be able to do the things he loved doing when he was five, but he’ll be able to find new things that he loves doing that he wasn’t able to do before.

I watch NHL grow with mixed emotions. Part of me finds it amazing to watch him grow into such an intelligent young man, but part of me wants to keep him a baby forever. As he gets older, I’ll miss the hugs and father-son cuddle moments that were so much a part of his younger years. But then again, I guess I’ll take my own advice and look forward to finding all of the new things that we can do together that we weren’t able to do before.

Happy birthday, NHL, from your very proud dad!

(For B’s Happy birthday message to NHL, hop on over to TheAngelForever.com.)

ANTI-TERRORIST AND MONITORY CRIMES DIVISION
FBI HEADQUARTERS IN WASHINGTON, D.C.
FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION
J. EDGAR HOOVER BUILDING
935 PENNSYLVANIA AVENUE, NW WASHINGTON, D.C. 20535-0001
Website: www.fbi.gov
Email:FBIwashington@mail101washington.com
 
 
ATTN: FUND BENEFICIARY,
 
Please note that the F.B.I will be in your door post in the next 7 working days for an interrogation about your involvement in attempt of illegal money transfer in your bank account. It was revealed to our team by the INTERPOL that you were involved in trying to conclude an international money transfer into your bank account without following the due process, thereby, indicating possible money laundering and terrorism sponsorship. Recall, you were asked by the Nigerian Central Bank governor to obtain the Diplomatic Seal Of Transfer {DIST} that will clear you of any involvement in this dastard act but you ignored that.
 
We advice that you contact us immediately as the money have been Stopped and is being held in our custody until you are able to provide us with a diplomatic immunity seal of transfer (dist) within 14 days from the Central Bank Nigeria that authorize the transfer from where the funds was transferred from to certify that the funds that you are about to receive from Nigeria are Anti-terrorist, Drug and  Money Laundering free.
 
To this regards, you are to re-assure and proof to us that the fund you are about to receive has nothing to do with Terrorist, Drug  and Money Laundering fund by sending to us the FBI Diplomatic Immunity Seal Of Transfer(DIST) to prove to us that the fund you are about to receive is legitimate. You are to forward the documents to us immediately if you have it in your possession. If you don’t have it, let us know so that we will direct and inform you where to obtain the document and send to us so that we will ask the bank holding the funds to go ahead and credit your account immediately.
 
However, if we receive a confirmatory message from the Anti Fraud Department of Nigeria Economic and Financial Crimes Commission that you have procured the document or paid part payment for the procurement of the Diplomatic Immunity Seal Of Transfer (DIST) document as directed by the F.B.I, your case will be discharged and acquitted. The choice is yours. Here is email address efcc_nig.org@hotmail.co.uk. Contact them now to ensure that you secure the {DIST} document.
 
Faithfully Yours
Mr. Robert S. Mueller
F.B.I DIRECTOR.

Does anyone really fall for this?  First off, I’m sure that were the FBI really investigating me, they wouldn’t send me an e-mail requesting documents.  Some nice men in suits would show up at my door (hopefully with a search warrant) and would either get me to hand over what they needed or would take it themselves.

Secondly, the "FBI" e-mail address is a Hotmail account?  From the UK?  I guess the FBI needs more funding to set up their own mail servers if they’re forced to use free e-mail accounts from other countries!

Sadly, I know that people do still fall for these kinds of scams.  The economics of the scam dictate that they will keep getting sent.  The scammers can pay $10-15 for a list of hundreds of millions of e-mail addresses.  Then they hijacked computers to send out their "Rich Nigerian Prince Has Died And Is Giving You His Money" scam letters.  They don’t pay much for bandwidth since the hijacked computers are doing all the work.  If they send out 100 million scam e-mails and only 1 hundredth of one percent of the people turn out to be suckers, that’s 10,000 people who will be sending them money.

You can see how their modest investment can turn into a financial windfall.  (I’ve often said that I could easily be rich if it weren’t for this pesky sense of morality.)  Unfortunately, since it remains a money making operation, we’re going to be forced to hit the Delete (or better, Report Spam) key on these e-mails for a long time to come.

 

If the election doesn’t work out for him, perhaps he can be a contestant on Dancing With The Stars.