This marked 3 firsts for me.  It was my first Linky and the first post I created a button for.  Most significantly, though, it was the first time I really apologized (in a public fashion) for something stupid I did when B and I were engaged.  You’ll have to read my post to see what it was.  (Hey, you didn’t expect me to just tell you, now did you?)  Needless to say, I thought I was doing the right thing at the time but hindsight (being 20/20 and all) has shown me how wrong I was.

Thus, my Aloha Friday question for today is: Have you ever done something that affected a loved one that you thought was the right thing at the time only to realize later was the wrong action?

After you answer my Aloha Friday question, stop by my LuLu.com Photo Book giveaway and B’s CardsDirect $50 gift card giveaway.

Thanks to Kailani at An Island Life for starting this fun for Friday. Please be sure to head over to her blog to say hello and sign the Linky there if you are participating.

Aloha #58

I’ve written before about my “divided self.” Part of me is very scientific and wants to explain everything via the scientific method. Part of me is religious and wants to cling to the traditions that I adopted as I grew up. The two sides often war with each other. My scientific side arguing that there is no need for doing a particular thing due to Scientific facts A, B and C and my religious side arguing that there are valid reasons for doing things such a way due to laws X, Y and Z in the Torah.

As I mentioned in Shackles of Habit, though, the mere fact that you’ve done something a certain way for awhile can lead to you not wanting to change how you do things. Even if your reasoning behind the action becomes moot, is proven wrong, or if circumstances change, it can still be tough to alter your habits from what you have been doing.

I realized this just last week. During our Disney World trip, as I had done the previous year, I decided to take pictures, turn on/off lights, and do various other things that I usually wouldn’t do because it was Shabbat. This trip included two “exception Shabbats”: The first when we were travelling down to Disney World and the second when we were travelling back. During the trip back, I reflected on my “breaking the Shabbat” and how it reflected my beliefs.

First, a little background. I wasn’t raised religious. In fact, growing up, I ate bacon double-cheeseburgers at Roy Rogers and watched TV on Saturday with impunity. About the only time we were religious was during Passover. (For that, we went strictly Kosher-For-Passover with a whole house cleanup done almost entirely by my mother.)

In Hebrew School, I began to be tought various Jewish laws and decided to follow a few of them. Bit by bit I became more religious. My family, meanwhile, resisted this change. My sister would microwave bacon in the microwave just before I’d use it, my mother would serve stuffing with dairy next to chicken forgetting that I couldn’t eat it, and my father would ask me to turn on lights and then ask why when I said I couldn’t.

At some point, my actions sparked my parents to get more religious. To the point that they (well, my father, really) stormed out of our Conservative temple when a woman was called to read from the Torah. We started attending an Orthodox temple and I learned a bit more there. Eventually, I headed off to college, but then returned home after graduating.

Here is where I think the seeds of my dilemma began. My interest in science was intense leading up to college and only grew while I was in college. While I did get more religious in college, it also showed me that there could be conflicts between secular life and religious life. Then, when I returned to my home life, my parents founded a new synagogue with a rabbi that I didn’t quite care for. He was too extreme in his beliefs (very anti-science) and I just couldn’t follow his teachings. I attended only because my parents went there, but I didn’t feel connected to it.

Fast forward to present day. On the flight back from Disney World, I began thinking about my Shabbat beliefs. What did I really believe? What was I doing out of momentum? I didn’t want to go against things that I honestly believed in, but at the same time I didn’t want to keep doing things out of sheer momentum. (Especially if such things were a burden to my family.)

I came to the conclusion that I believed that Shabbat should be a special day. While the Torah calls for it to be a day of praising God, that isn’t how I had been celebrating it for quite some time and I didn’t feel any pull to begin celebrating it that way. Instead, for me, making Shabbat special meant spending time with my family.

In addition, I decided to research anew many of the rules I’ve followed in the past. Some (no electricity), I found I was following based on faulty reasoning (electricity doesn’t equal fire) and the other reasons for it I just didn’t agree on. (In fact, one of the reasons is that “people have done it this way for awhile” which is another way of saying “the momentum is going this way so let’s keep doing it for no valid reason.”) Others (cooking), I’ve found that I was actually doing even when I tried to avoid other, less serious violations (turning on the stove). In addition, I’d often ask B or NHL to turn something on when I wanted it done and that wasn’t exactly “keeping Shabbat.” If I couldn’t live with it being off, then either I should adjust or turn it on myself.

In the end, I’ve come up with two general rules that I’ll follow for Shabbat.

Rule #1: No work.

By this, I mean I can’t work at my profession or use anything that might make me work at my profession. In other words, no using the computer (obvious, I’m a webmaster), phones (could talk about work), or writing (I could sketch out some work to enter that night).

Rule #2: No ‘Social Media’.

I want to focus on my family for this day, not how many followers I have or whether anyone’s commented on my blog or if I have any new e-mails. Practically, these restrictions are the same as Rule 1′s, but it means no checking/sending text messages also.

What would be allowed now are things like turning on/off the TV, turning on/off lights, turning on/off the stove/oven/microwave if I’m cooking, etc. I’m still unsure if I’ll drive on Shabbat. Perhaps I’ll leave that one in the “I don’t do” category for now and see how these changes go. (That one involves creating fire via the spark plugs in the engine and I can see why that would be a Shabbat no-no.) Still, I have a feeling that B will be very happy with the changes I’ve decided on so far.

Do you take No Work/No Social Media/Family Only days?

I was planning on recommitting to dropping those excess pounds and chronicalling my efforts on my blog. Then BuckDaddy posted about his Project New Me. I decided to join in. I plan to weigh myself every Sunday morning and post about it Monday morning. I’ll include how much weight I’ve lost (or gained), how events from the previous week contributed to my weight change and any plans for the upcoming week. Look for my first NewMe post tomorrow.

Feel free to join BuckDaddy and I in making a New You in the New Year. Simply use the #NewMe hashtag when you tweet. I wish you luck with all of your plans in 2010, whether they be for weight loss or something else.

Anti-Resolution #1: Gaining Weight

A few years back, I lost 75 pounds by following a Weight Watchers-style diet.  Since then, I’ve gained 20 of those pounds back.  I’d like to lose some of that weight.  If I were making resolutions, this is where I’d resolve to lose 20 pounds.  Instead: I Anti-Resolve to eat like a pig, sit on my rear end, and gain as much weight as possible!  I shall eat cupcakes by the carton, pound cake by the pallet and Twinkies by the truckload.  We’ll need to reinforce our flooring to accommodate my increased mass.  Small objects will start orbiting around me due to my increased gravitational field.

Anti-Resolution #2: My Temper

I’ll admit it.  I have a temper.  Most times, I keep it in check quite well.  If B and I are arguing about a point and I’m upset, I tend to get really quiet knowing that talking would only lead to my losing my temper and saying something that I’d regret later.  NHL, however, seems to have lately found the key to unlock Daddy’s temper.  I get angry and yell when I should calmly handle the situation.  This leads to increased tension and teaches NHL that, when confronted by something you don’t like, yell loudly.  Someone else in this situation might resolve to work on calming their temper down more.  Instead:  I Anti-Resolve to yell at the top of my lungs over any tiny slight.  The very foundations of our house shall shake if I don’t get my way every single time!  Seismologists will record the activity as an earthquake and people three miles away shall experience temporary hearing loss.

Anti-Resolution #3: Wasting Time

I have a bad habit of spending time idly browsing the Internet.  I’ll read Slashdot posts and comments that I’m not *really* interested in.  I’ll bounce from Wikipedia article to Wikipedia article on the hopes that something interesting will be there.  Basically, I’ll wind up entertained during that time, but afterwards will feel like it was wasted.  A normal person would simply resolve to cut their online reading down.  I, instead, Anti-Resolve to find new websites to waste time on.  I’ll read the entire contents of Wikipedia.  Twice.  I’ll read every single tweet posted on Twitter.  I’ll join new social networking sites and forums just to find new content to browse.  I’ll read more online comics (as well as their archives).  I’ll join in conversations just to make sure people know where I stand even when I have nothing of value to contribute.  Sure, I may need to quit my job and stop sleeping, but Duty Calls.

Anti-Resolution #3: Family Time

Sometimes it seems like I have no time for my family.  I get up, get ready for work, then head out.  After work, I come home, get changed, make dinner, serve dinner, eat dinner, and then it’s bedtime for the kids.  After the kids are in bed, B and I will pass the time on our respective laptops.  It would be nice to make more time to spend with my family.  And this is what a normal person would resolve to do.  However, I’m making Anti-Resolutions.  Therefore, I Anti-Resolve to isolate myself more from my family.  I’ll convert our basement into an underground lair complete with secret entrance/exit.  My family will never know if I’m home or not.  I shall wake up before anyone else, slip out undetected, then slip back into my secret lair without anyone noticing.  I might walk back into the main house from time to time, but only after everyone else has fallen asleep.

And those are my 2009 Anti-Resolutions.  Wish me luck in breaking each and every one of them.

Here are some photos of JSL with his long hair.  What do you think?  Cut or no cut?  (The last two photos aren’t about his long locks.  They’re just cute photos of JSL that I thought I’d toss in the mix.)

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