Lately, I’ve been having a hard time getting a good night’s sleep. Part of it is my own fault. I tend to get a “second wind” at night and then crash at or after midnight. I need to start heading to bed sooner.
Besides my late bedtime, the other reason I haven’t felt rested have been my dreams. Instead of nice, peaceful dreams, I’ve been having weird dreams and outright nightmares.
Last week, I dreamt that NHL had a febrile seizure. He’s had one before, when he was 11 months old. For awhile, he turned blue and stopped moving. It was among the most frightening moments in my life. JSL has also had multiple febrile seizures.
In my dream, it was just NHL and me. JSL and B were nowhere to be found. Even around us, there was nothing. Just a big emptiness containing NHL and me. NHL collapsed into my arms suffering from a febrile seizure. (Somehow in the dream logic, I knew exactly what it was causing this.) NHL wouldn’t respond to me. I screamed for someone to help me. No response. Just me and my child lifeless in my arms.
I woke up at this point, but was understandably rattled. The dream had seemed so real and it brought back fears and feelings that I never wanted to experience again. I hate feeling helpless. Seeing my child lifeless before me with nothing I can do is the most helpless I’ve ever felt.
Earlier this week, I had a different sort of dream. It wasn’t a nightmare, per se, but it was very disturbing. In the dream, I was in my parents’ house. Specifically, I was standing by the sliding glass door at the back of their house. There was a light snow outside and NHL was spending some time outdoors while I watched him from the other side of the glass.
I noticed that NHL was walking towards a bug. A sort of beetle. It wasn’t a normal beetle, though. It was big. And by big, I mean about 3 feet tall and one and a half feet wide. Yes, this was a seriously large bug. I called for NHL to come in, but he didn’t. Finally, as the bug moved towards him and the house, he came inside. At this point it was too late, though. The bug was trying to get in the house and we needed to wrestle it and push it back. I woke up tired from a long night of beetle wrestling.
My Aloha Friday question for today is: Do you have weird dreams or nightmares?
Thanks to Kailani at An Island Life for starting this fun for Friday. Please be sure to head over to her blog to say hello and sign the linky there if you are participating.